So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
