It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
