I wish I could teleport
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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