Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
