It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
