My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize