I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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