my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
even my farts smell like vagina
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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