I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
