There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
