I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
