Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
