I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
