I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
