Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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