I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
FUCK WHALES
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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