Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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