I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize