He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
