what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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