She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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