if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
