do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
