Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
