But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I didn't notice because vodka
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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