you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
