shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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