I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
