I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
