**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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