my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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