I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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