I could make wine with my vomit
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
