i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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