new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
