it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize