dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
