# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Randomize
