We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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