Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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