i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
