my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
