Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
