she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
