Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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