It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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