You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
