I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
