Your favorite bartender is back from prision
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
