My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
