Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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