I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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