no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
