Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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