Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The adults are the big ones right?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
