Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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