you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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