i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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