Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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