went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
