I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
