No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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