when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
