how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
