well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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