Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
