either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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