Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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