he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
