And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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