Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
