When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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