He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
