We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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