Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
