Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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