I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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