yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
