She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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