broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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