Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
