Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
