YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
